🌸 I have inattentive ADHD (now) 🌸

Three weeks ago, I recently found out that I have inattentive ADHD. I had a feeling that there were symptoms linked to it; more-so relating to the way I zone out (causing my mind to drift elsewhere), my irritability when stuck in one place for hours (the reception desk at work) and also the fact that I have so many things on the go and a lack of proper focus at times (hence why it has been difficult to do certain things like working on creative materials i.e. my podcast as my mind has been very preoccupied with my reorganisation at work and I've been too busy sending job applications every day near enough).

So, what is ADHD? Well, ADHD stands for Attentive Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Like autism, it is common to spot signs of ADHD in males but not so much females (since I have autism myself I know from experience mostly as I mask; in my life most people had no idea I was autistic unless I told them since I don't display the stereotypical traits; I was always more introverted/withdrawn from childhood especially when it came to social interaction).

With ADHD, primary symptoms tend to relate to:

• Hyperactivity

• Impulsivity

• Emotional disregulation

• Executive dysfunction

These can cause certain deficits: the inability to manage time, prioritise tasks, keeping attention span high. In some instances, behaviours of ADHD can interconnect (if I make sense) with autism (as there are some similarities).

Life admin can be very difficult to navigate, especially for me as it is hard to focus on one thing at a time. The list of responsibilities piles on and you can't do it all. It is the same with work; since my job is going through a reorganisation I genuinely find it hard to care and realise I am making more mistakes. I feel useless for not being capable of doing simple tasks, questioning how on earth I can do a higher paid role if I can't complete my to-do lists everyday. My problem with work is a mix of not feeling fulfilled, people (a big denominator; more-so management) and stretching myself so thin to the point I burnout. I am (still) hunting for another job as I've had enough. I constantly have to have lists on my phone for tasks as-well as a calendar which outlines my plans for the day, otherwise I forget things.

So how did I get a diagnosis? Well, I used the right to choose option and got the assessment via ADHD360 (an clinic based in the UK which works in partnership with the NHS). For people who live in the UK, you know how it feels to struggle with getting medical assistance through the NHS. As our national service is understaffed, there are several waiting lists for support services (i.e. therapy) and these days, you can't find an NHS dentist anymore (I had no choice but to go private, finding a dentist who covers weekend appointments which is easier to manage because of work). In the case of costs, the referral is free via right to choose, if you opt for private, the costs can come up to £1,000 - £3,000. It took me around 6 to 8 weeks to get my referral processed; for NHS it can take longer depending.

With ADHD360, you have to write to the GP opting for right to choose: the necessary forms are sent and you fill them in, providing as much detail in relation to what kind of behaviours you exhibit on a regular basis and once completed, the GP sends them off on your behalf. You also create an account on the Chrysalis portal, answering questions about your medical history, overall mood and symptoms. A QBCheck is completed which tests your activity and impulsivity, lasting up to 40 minutes.

If the initial screening process tells you that you might have ADHD, you book a formal assessment with a qualified clinician who then covers questions based on your childhood, teen years and adult years. There are additional questions regarding how ADHD (if you show signs of it) affect your life (I did forget to mention things in my video hence why this blog post has been written). A conclusion is formed at the end and a letter is sent over via e-mail of a diagnosis.

After completing my assessment, I had a follow-up e-mail regarding treatment for inattentive ADHD; I had the option to take medication (the one recommended was elvanse). I chose not to take medication for now - this is because I don't want to be relying on quick fixes for long-term issues (the same applies to clinical depression) and want to utilise natural alternatives. If you choose to take medication, you have to be aware of potential side effects which can impact your daily life.

I suppose the aftermath of this diagnosis is well, feeling somewhat relieved that I got it. It makes sense as to why I act the way I do and to be honest I've realised that certain jobs (admin) are not for me. I can do admin but get bored easily and I suppose with ADHD, it is common to be fed up of certain things. I remember listening to a video of a YouTuber from the UK (Kady2.0); she used to work in traditional jobs from the age of 16 and only lasted 2 years max in each job. Because of ADHD, it was hard for her to keep jobs as she burntout quickly (the same issue I have as I tend to get fed up after 1 ½ years - yes as mentioned I am going through the process of looking for another job AGAIN).

Point is, she went self-employed and now sells products on Etsy (the main inspiration behind my upcoming Etsy shop which is in the works; I've started a course last year on Print on Demand and have a business plan of what I intend to sell - mainly T-Shirts and also resin phone cases). She found she could easily work for herself but not under other people - although this was more of a side hustle, I used to sell products on online marketplaces and handled spreadsheets/invoicing on my own. It wasn't easy but I enjoyed it as I got to earn money in a less traditional sense + when interacting with customers, questions were about the products, nothing invasive (i.e. if I am married because I hate personal questions). 🙃

I am now working towards self-employment as I have had enough of traditional jobs already (despite working for 6+ years so far). There are underlying issues in workplaces I can't stand, especially in terms of not having full control of your time and hidden social aspects/rules that aren't in the contract.

So, if you do have signs of ADHD, I'd advise you to get a diagnosis as early as you can. The earlier you do it, the better. Only thing is (in the case of accommodation), you have to figure out what your individual needs are. At times, I still don't know what accommodation I need in life as I have mostly (but with difficulty) got by on my own in my adult years. Then again, there aren't many options so here I go.

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this post for today and here is the video which is supposed to supplement it if I make any sense: https://youtu.be/kYczK1QVPnM

Thanks for reading and sayonara for now x