🌸 autism, work & navigating a personal idea of hell... 🌸

Autism and work are two things that don't mix. As an autistic woman who has been employed for 6+years so far (and can't stand traditional jobs), I've come to learn how modern workplaces operate. I have covered a few blog posts, episodes on my podcast and YouTube videos on the topic of work - discussing toxic workplaces, the struggles people with autism face at work and my overall experience so far as someone trying to understand this complicated system.

Although I haven't been fired from a job (I've quit jobs twice and am now in my 3rd job, looking for something else due to a restructure + being fed up), I understand that I am one of the lucky few who has skated by in the workplace (maybe it is because I look like a neurotypical person who may be considered conventionally attractive, I don't know).

Unfortunately, autistic adults are either unemployed or underemployed; there are 30% (according to the Buckland Report as of 2024) who are in employment compared to the remaining 70%. 77% of autistic adults want to work but find it very difficult to do so (and I will explain why in detail).

Coming from my experience, I can work but tend to have a problem with feeling fulfilled in a job. When I work, I want to be in an enviroment where I am supported and can contribute in a positive manner. Since my restructure news, I've genuinely felt like shit everyday - knowing my job is not considered valuable to the powers up there. Everything I've done for 2 ½ years means nothing. Then again, I'm not a lifer (someone who has been around 20+ years in a company). It is just sad - knowing you are not the one they need or want. I am keeping my options open and I always have as I am not an eggs in one basket person. I don't envision myself being in the same place next year anyway.

I'm great at finding creative solutions to problems, attention to detail and also remembering key information so I can relay it to colleagues and managers. Yet, my social awkwardness is a dealbreaker. Although I can communicate well, it comes at a cost - masking. I have been used to pretending to be somebody I'm not so I can fit in. After all, introversion is a problem in the modern society. I put on my costume and my mask, getting ready to give the performance of my life so I can keep a job. Because I am a minority, my mindset for life is adapt or die. It isn't the best but when you are in a world with little support, you have no choice but to make necessary provisions so you can manage each day. You have to deal with people expecting you to socialise more, to "join in". When I have tried to, I get criticised for not playing the part (this applied to school). I notice during my adult years that support is cut off when turning 18. You have to dig deep to find it yourself. Using Access to Work as an example, I only knew about it 2 years ago during a coaching session. Even now, I don't know what accommodations I require as I've never used them as such. I just coped. Always have, always will.

So, why is it difficult for us to work? Well, there are many reasons. I actually submitted a post on the National Autistic Society forum, wanting to find out about other people's experiences and these are the common themes:

• Having to perform and conform - for autistic individuals, we are expected to meet neurotypical standards. Every day (at least for me as mentioned) is the performance of my life. I am an undiscovered actress being given a role to play, having to act the part in order to get my coveted award (although, there are no awards at work, only more work). Work is like school: you have to behave a certain way, say the right things and go along with the sheep. If you are an individual, you are a threat to an employer. From my experience as a former recruiter I will tell you now: employers want you to fit a template. You are a piece of clay, moulded and thrust into a kiln. The type of employee needed is someone who can shut up, do the job and not question anything. If they sniff out your differences, you are gone.

• Too many tasks/unrealistic expectations - this is common in most jobs. When you are seen as the most efficient person in the crew, you became the default go-to for EVERYTHING. Soon, you do the work of 2, 3 or 4 people without any end in sight. Autistic people tend to overdeliver (I am guilty of this too), we just get on with tasks without realising how much colleagues or managers take advantage. People ask you so many questions you don't have the answers to and you feel like crap because you can't give them what they need. This has happened multiple times in my 2nd job - the managers gave me senior level responsibilities well above my paygrade and if I couldn't deliver, they'd get pissed with me. There are targets, targets, targets. Don't forget KPI's - if you are a corporate worker you will know what I mean and will have Vietnam flashbacks to the shit. You are admin, you are HR, you are a manager in terms of responsibility. Yet, the title and salary doesn't reflect that. You are used and abused by people who see you as a tool.

• Lack of accommodations - sadly for lots of us, we have to fight tooth and nail to get basic accommodations so we can do our jobs to the best of our ability. Although autism is classed as a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010 (well in the UK), employers mostly don't give a damn. I've read forums besides NAS where autistic people have been refused accommodations. As someone who recruited in my previous job, unfortunately I can confirm that a lot of employers are very hesitant to hire us. With accommodation, there is the question of cost. If it ain't in the budget, it ain't happening. Say for example you work in an office and require a cubicle as you don't like noises or hot desking (where you are selecting a random desk to sit on everyday). If you ask for one, the employer will say no and use the open plan model because it saves £££. Fact is, they wanna hold on to the pursestrings and they will do it anyway they can. Whether it's cutting staff or resources, managers are concerned with the bottom line. I saw it in the care sector back in my 2nd job (managers charging staff for resources they were meant to cover i.e. DBS) and am seeing the same BS again as I endure a shitshow of a restructure. The same applies to sickness. If your disability causes you to be out of work employers get fed up as they need bodies on-site. Too much sickness equals a demerit and as Alan Sugar says: You're FIRED.

• Burnout - When I am pushed to my breaking point, I end up losing all sense of my cognitive functioning abilities. I am so used to being a perfectionist, being on top of all my work and not making mistakes. If I fuck up, I feel like shit. Burnout isn't just feeling low, it is being drained of all the energy you had for the day. The fatigue builds up and you are like a heavy weight, unable to carry on as normal. I am always like a phone battery when working. If alone, I recharge as to be honest I ain't a people person. When you spend 5 days a week socialising at work, socialising outside is the last thing you need after reaching 0%. I mean, I do spend time with people closest to me but I require energy to do it. If I don't have the energy, leave me alone!

• Confusing social cues, office politics, unclear instructions and hierarchy - people tell us to "read between the lines". Yet, how the fuck do we do that? We see things in black and white, not in multicolour. Point is, we have no idea how to navigate office politics (in terms of gossip and people playing the blame game, using us as scapegoats and not taking accountability for wrong doings or even creating twisted mind games), we have no idea how to address staff on different levels and even so, hierarchy doesn't make sense. Why should we treat people differently because of a job title? I don't get what is so special about a CEO or assistant director anyway. Most managers don't lead or inspire, they delegate and dictate. They earn £2 or so more, big deal! Instructions for tasks can be confusing; a manager wants you to do X, another wants you to do Y and if you don't follow the instructions as required, you get yelled at.

It is so hard for autistic people to find let alone keep a job. Employers push people out of work - mainly through a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan), a document which highlights where you fail to meet expectations/how to improve. You have 90 days maximum to show your employer that you are capable enough to stay on - typically they use this to manage you out. When you get a disciplinary for doing something wrong, it reminds you of being back in school when teachers tell you off in front of the class for something stupid. In my secondary, the teachers used to have an achievement and behaviour point system; if say you had 14 achievement points and 2 behaviour points for forgetting homework or accidentally not remembering your P.E. Kit, they get subtracted from your achievement points, leaving you with 12. The most humiliating thing was having your behaviour point total read out by your form tutor as your peers looked at you, oohing and aahing as you, the so-called goody two shoes got the bollocking of a lifetime.

There are other ways employers remove you from the workplace - mainly by reducing your workload/hours (without telling you because they're sly), not inviting you to meetings or work related do's like the annual Christmas party and even going as far as revoking your access from online systems i.e. Teams. Colleagues can be very funny/cagey, they stop talking to you or tend to treat you poorly - talking about you behind your back, pushing their workload onto you or making you look bad in front of your employer. Then, the dreaded surprise meetings. Your employer tells you to get in their office and then the news: you are not a good culture fit therefore, you are not needed. That's it - done.

Even if you report to HR, they don't care. There is a reason why that acronym stands for Human Resources. A resource is a supply of something like a team of staff. Again, you are not a human being - you are a tool. And HR protects companies from lawsuits. It is rare to get an HR team that cares about staff (hence why I never went into it despite having experience + my former managers telling me I should train to be an HR rep, I feel like I have to abandon my human traits and that isn't me).

You can't blame a lot of autistic people who don't want to work. Let's be realistic, if you never had acceptance from childhood it is very difficult to get the confidence/self-esteem you need to succeed in life. If you don't have certain advantages like supportive family then everything is ten times harder. I always had the mentality where I had to prove that I am just as capable of doing the same things as a neurotypical person; being underestimated and also told by teachers that I will fail my exams didn't help. I never believed in myself because I was put down constantly. It was only in Year 11 when my catering teacher actually had faith in me to do well. Although she seemed like a bitch at first, I got to realise how she worked and appreciated someone who was straight up (as I much rather that than dealing with fake nice people).

So what are we supposed to do? Well option 1 is to go on benefits. Not trying to be sarcastic but this is typically what most end up doing as lasting in work = being in a reality TV show where you jook the knife hard in someone's back to get far. That and forming alliances.

Option 2 consists of trying to accommodate yourself in manageable, realistic ways. This can include:

• Disclosing - in this case (from my experience in my current job), I haven't really had negative experiences when mentioning autism. I've had people ask what it is like for me to deal with the current working environment. Because most of my work history is in admin, I am used to open plan offices (I tolerate it because I need the damn money). Now where disclosing is concerned, I wouldn't mention anything until after the interview process mainly as most employers will react negatively. That and I would recommend choosing the right words when describing what accommodation you need (without explicitly mentioning autism as again, you have no idea what people will say or do). For example, mentioning that having meeting agendas say - a few hours in advance helps you prepare for actual team meetings so you know what to expect.

• Using scripts/notes/templates - I do this often when taking phone calls (as my current role is front of house). Saying good morning/afternoon, you've come through to XYZ, how can I help? Notes on hand for who to direct calls to (as I clarify things with colleagues/manager and write it down for future reference) is a big help as I know what avenues to try. I also have e-mail templates as most e-mails I send are generic (work smarter, not harder) - just change the names/dates and I am good to go. Same applies to spreadsheet templates. Just have them on hand.

• Getting clarification on tasks - if I need to get from point A to B, I ask why? That and get people to send me an e-mail so I have the time to process the information (as when low/checked out, I tend to forget).

• Having a to-do list or colour coded categories - this is a big help for me. Organising tasks in order of priority makes a difference; I know when deadlines need to be met and can also monitor my own progress (as I work well alone to be honest).

• Managing sensory overload - for me, noise cancelling headphones is a go-to + tinted glasses (because I hate florescent lights, artificial shit). I love putting on a podcast or a YouTube video as it helps me kill time and get through the agonising slog of work. I do bring perfume though as I can't stand certain smells or use stress balls when low.

• Body doubling - I don't do this much but in my old workplace, one of my ex-colleagues (who has ADHD) often required the presence of another person to help them focus on tasks. I was that person (and very efficient). Having someone on hand to help you get your head in the game (High School Musical anyone?) makes a difference.

Now as for the political side of work, I tend to go the neutral route. If colleagues or managers gossip to me I just respond with something like yeah, sure, mhm, cool. Don't give too much away because you then get involved. And for me, I do NOT want to get involved with drama. Just remain neutral and get on with the job.

So, what do you think of today's post? Have you had your own issues with navigating the workplace (if you have autism?). Please feel free to comment.

Until next time, sayonara and don't cry, have wine. 🍷