🌸 navigating toxic workplaces: when it's time to pack up and fuck off. 🌸

I have worked for 6+ years across 3 different jobs so far - still in my 3rd job by the way (whilst doing bits on the side such as selling items on online marketplaces or producing commission for clients). Since starting work from 19, I have noticed the small things that make a workplace a personal idea of hell. From the office politics/drama to confusing hierarchical structures, the sensory overload as you try to concentrate on your neverending list of tasks, the corporate jargon that makes you want to hurl, social cues and unwritten rules which aren't listed in the contract.

I am not anti-work per-se: my problem is more so the way modern workplaces operate. Rather than walking into a place where everyone gets on and does their work most end up in a personal hell, forced to deal with colleagues who have polarising personalities and managers who set unrealistic expectations. The toxic behaviour usually starts at the top, trickling down and creating an environment that makes everyone miserable. I've always said work is a big source of misery: you spend more time around people you don't know or care about, stuck in a concrete building site for 8+ hours a day. Your energy is sucked away from you, having to engage in forced social interaction about topics you aren't interested in. There is little time left for YOU at the end of each day due to the preparation, door-to-door commute and the exhaustion of doing tedious tasks for directors who care about the bottom line.

I had to endure the toxic experience for 2 ½ years when working for a care provider/recruitment agency. I was a part-time admin assistant based in the main office; employed as part of the Kick-start Scheme (which later became a permanent job after the 6 month probationary period). The interview process for this job seemed like any other; I was asked questions about my skills, experience and qualifications and I also queried certain aspects of the job (i.e. working hours, benefits, career progression). The manager seemed friendly and approachable and I thought, maybe I could see myself in this company for a long time. Unfortunately when entering this role, I found that the friendly nature was nothing but a facade.

I was faced with dread everyday when going to work; witnessing dodgy practices from managers who more or less didn't care about anyone but themselves. There were times when my managers pocketed money from staff, charging for expenses they were supposed to cover (as an employer). This money was collected in an envelope and used to fund extravagant holidays (which they went on every month). My pension contributions were also stolen (despite confirmation of deductions every month on my payslip) and I had to report this to ACAs. Managers weren't physically present when you needed support. They failed to understand your needs, weren't hands-on and had no idea what was happening in the company they owned. I was trained by my senior colleague (God bless her) who tried her absolute best to guide me despite having her own workload to complete. If she wasn't around, I often used trial and error to figure out what to do since the managers fucked off to where ever. I even trained staff myself - taking on management responsibilities despite being paid peanuts.

That wasn't even the worst of it. The more experienced you became, the more responsibility you got. My colleagues and I handled the work of 3 people each (and mind you, we were a very small team of 4). If one person was absent, the rest of the team felt the burden as the work piled on. For all our efforts, we received no appreciation. Just a simple thank you (if the managers were generous enough) and greasy pizza or kebabs. That was all. No promotional opportunities, further training, raises, nowt. I brought up the subject of a raise once to my general manager due to my added responsibility and my problem-solving skills (I actually improved existing recruitment processes by introducing pre-screening to filter out candidates and implemented a calendar for appointments so workload was equally spread out between my team and I). My general manager told me that it would be discussed in an appraisal. I never had one for the 2 ½ years I was in the company.

My team and I (who were based in the main office) were paid the same as the healthcare assistants. Minimum wage. All of us had admin/recruitment experience (+ one of my senior colleagues was a carer) yet we had next to nothing. The team leaders were paid £12.50 per hour (fair given the seniority of the role); ironically enough, permanent staff were paid the same if not more despite having no care or admin experience at all. As for directors, they got £30 an hour. One of my colleagues did 40 hours a week and only made around £19K before tax (to note this was in the tax year of 2022 to 2023). She could barely afford rent let alone additional expenses. Another of my senior colleagues used to commute for an hour door to door for a 25 hour a week job as a customer liaison. She struggled to support herself and her children on a single wage. At one point she was reduced to tears, unable to cover fortnightly payments for bills. I'd never seen anyone breakdown so much over cost of living (aside from my mum who also spent 10+ years in a toxic workplace herself).

You could see how drained everyone was at work. I checked out and developed long-term depression, partially due to the job making me miserable and because of bereavement issues (when my cousin was murdered). Everything piled on; I felt like I carried a huge weight on my back that I couldn't get off. When I walked to work, I often cried on the way - not wanting to go into a cramped beige office to sit on a desk, surrounded by paperwork, phone calls and a bright screen under florescent lighting. Either that or I had panic attacks and regular breakdowns in the toilets.

At one point, I took annual leave to spend time with my mum on her birthday but it was cut short once my senior colleague (with pressure from management) called me to come in as my team had to prepare for an upcoming Ofsted inspection. I was fuming on the inside, my day off ruined. I spent 7+ hours (with no breaks) continuously working. I didn't eat much besides supermarket snacks and halfway through the day, I cried on the phone to my aunt as I stressed about the deadline for the next day. She told me to do what I could and if the job made my mental health decrease more, quit.

The only reason I didn't quit this job was due to not having a backup. These days, it can take at least 6 to 7 months to find another job. I was hanging on by a thread, enduring more issues and receiving out of hours calls from management, even when I was sick. It wasn't just me, my colleagues had to deal with the same thing. The last straw for me was when two of my colleagues left; one went on maternity leave and never returned to work, another resigned due to issues with management. I was stuck training a colleague's replacement - one who couldn't speak English, had zero admin experience and got paid £12.50 an hour for doing well, nothing. Although I delegated duties as best as I could, management shifted them back to me; their excuse was that the new admin didn't know what to do. So, why hire them?

Speaking of hiring, my managers needed a deputy for their supported living home. They wanted someone with 2+ years of experience, and NVQ Level 5 in Health and Social Care + a Business Management degree and additional experience of liaising with external professionals. For a 40 hour+ (a week) job, only 21 to 25K was offered. When my team and I were tasked with finding the ideal candidate, we had no success because most didn't want a paltry salary. To make matters worse, I actually suggested the idea of including a benefits package in the job advertisement. This was shutdown by management, as quoted by the operations manager: don't worry about benefits.

Once I realised how toxic my workplace was, I spent days if not weeks applying for other jobs. I sent out 50+ applications, got shortlisted for 9 interviews (one of which I declined as I accepted the offer for my current job) and found a local council job. I was done with the place, so done that I didn't bother serving the 4 week notice period. I gave 2 weeks notice, using the additional weeks to relax before starting my new job.

Now that I've been in my current job for 2 ½ years, I notice the same thing again. Poor management, especially in the midst of the restructure I am going through. I've never experienced a restructure before and already, anxiety kicks in as I have no idea how I'll perform in the ring-fenced interview. I only have one chance to do well and if I don't use the correct terminology or mention the values of the company, I am absolutely screwed.

This process has made me realise that people can display their worst characteristics. The whole thing feels like Survivor or another reality TV game show where you have to form alliances and keep your cards close to your chest if you have any chance of securing the cash prize. I don't like it at all. I feel managers need to support their staff, communicate with us and actually check in. The only manager who has done this is one who is sadly leaving after a short time. When good managers or colleagues leave, it depresses me because I lose a support system. Yet, I don't blame them. Toxic workplaces are draining to be in and I found I walked into one for the 2nd time. Now, I am looking for yet another job, hoping something gives.

The main thing to realise is that you need to put yourself first in every situation. Employers simply see you as a tool, one to exploit then discard (when you are no longer useful to them). From my tenure of work so far, I notice that employers care about 2 things: profits and quotas. As long as they generate value and meet targets, who gives a damn about staff's health and wellbeing?

Point is, don't let these companies grind you down or suppress your creativity. Just do what is required, get your £££ and if you feel something is off, get an exit plan in, ASAP.

So, what do you think of this? Have you had experiences of working in toxic environments? Let me know in the comments.

Until next time, sayonara. ♡