🌸 people are very, very miserable (sadly) - part 1 🌸

I don't know about you, I notice that there has been a recent shift in energy. The way people think, act and speak has changed; to be fair, I am fairly young (in my mid 20's) but even I know that certain things in my country (and worldwide) feel... well, strange. There is a dark energy in place and it isn't going away. Not now, not EVER.

In general, people have become very miserable. You often notice the sour-faced expressions, the lack of care for one another, the ignorance to general surroundings, the inability to socialise and engage in insightful conversations. There is selfishness and demonic entities embedded in shrivelled (and formerly) human hearts. People are too self-centred and full of vitriol.

One thing to note is how people often project their misery onto others. One of my colleagues said once:

You cannot tell everyone about your plans, as there are people who don't want you to succeed.

And the above is true. There are so-called friends, family, colleagues/managers - even partners who will want you to fail at life. There are people who are insecure and unhappy to the point where they project their misery onto you because the mindset is: if I can't be happy, why should anyone else be?

Unfortunately, this is common. I've had it plenty of times. Teachers have told me I wouldn't pass my GCSE exams - even going as far as to discourage me from pursuing creative courses in college (a so-called "careers advisor" told me to go for English Language even though it wasn't something I was interested in). I even had a SENCO tell me to change my career aspirations, to go for engineering (even though I wasn't interested and wouldn't be that good at it). I've had experiences in school where I was told to socialise more, to fit in - my extended family had this mentality (giving me unsolicited advice although their own lives were crap or they were alcoholics with children who despised them, ahen). Point is, these people create toxicity and it was better for me to remove myself and keep that demonic BS far, far away.

In a sense, you can't always blame people for feeling the way they do about life. Considering certain issues taking place, it's a wonder as to how people can stay so optimistic. There are lots of individuals who discuss why misery is common in the UK; many issues have been brought to light such as:

• The transition from education to work

• Cost of living and work in itself

• Lack of 3rd places

• Increase in crime

• Social media and mainstream news

• Lack of socialisation, freedom of expression and culture

• Poor weather

We now live in rough times. Most from the UK have moved away to developing countries such as Singapore, Malaysia or Thailand (for example). By doing so, there is a difference in the quality of life. Others choose to exchange the busy city for the quiet and peaceful countryside. Although there are certain caveats such as adjusting to a new language/culture or even the differences in how a workplace operates, most have realised how much happier they are, knowing that their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing has improved.

I have contemplated moving to the countryside for a fresh start (and to be around less people because as you already know, I find it difficult being around people as is partially due to autism/social anxiety or because certain people have vibes that don't mesh well with my own) - during this year I plan to do day/week trips all around the UK to get an experience I've never had before. I want to see if the countryside would be a change that benefits me.

As this is part 1 of a blog post, I will talk about the first 3 factors listed.

TRANSITION FROM EDUCATION TO WORK

When entering the education system, you are required to conform to a set of ideals. You have to think one way, act a certain way, dress a certain way and be mindful of challenging your authority figures (otherwise you are seen as a troublemaker or a threat). The point is, education has nothing to do with learning or developing knowledge. Critical thinking isn't allowed nor is debating; if your opinions differ from the majority, it's an issue. Individuality doesn't exist. Everything that makes you unique is stripped away. Your creativity is stifled. You're moulded like a piece of clay, shaped into the perfect student teachers want you to be.

The education system is about preparing you for a never-ending life of work. You get used to arriving at a certain time, having a schedule for all classes, being told when to go for breaks and when you can go home. Even after finishing the school day, you have homework to do meaning there is little time to be free. You have an authority figure to report to and see the same people 5 days a week.

The education system never worked for me. As an autistic student, copying notes from a whiteboard wasn't engaging. I needed visuals and practical tasks to help me understand different topics. There was a one-size fits all approach to learning and if you had a disability, you were left behind. There was little support as teachers had to deal with up to 30 students per class. Even if I had 1 to 1's, it was inadequate as teachers never understood my needs or they changed after a few months. To be honest, I've learnt more about subject areas of interest (such as finance/mental health) either by listening to various sources or reading. I've even gained business skills through selling 2nd hand items on marketplace as a side hustle (whilst at university). I did this on my own without prompting.

When entering the education system, your teachers immediately expect you to have an idea of what your future will look like. You are pressured into doing full-time education then work, a typical path for instant success. I remember being a Year 9 student, sitting in the assembly hall with my peers. Teachers and former students spoke to us about university and all the pros that came with it. The chance to study, to make new friends, to be in new surroundings. Nobody told us that you needed to commit to a degree for 3+ years, nor was there any mention of the student loan process. It was the same thing when I attended college - you got support if you wanted to do a degree but if not, you figured it out on your own.

The sad reality of graduation is that you end up unemployed or in a job with no relevance to your subject area of choice. Your degree is a paperweight with no value. As you enter the world of work, you compete against other graduates or professionals who've already made a name for themselves - people with at least 5+ years of experience on you. For every job that exists there are 100+ candidates gunning for that exact same one. A lot of people I know who graduated at the same time as myself are working in retail or customer service jobs. One of my friends (who I met at university) does a factory job for 70 hours a week - earning minimum wage with next to no benefits. Considering how the job market has changed, most employers don't want candidates with zero experience. With experience, you have an idea of how day-to-day operations are in a working environment. For example, if you spent a year working in student admissions, you've already gained familiarity with the fast-paced office as-well as filing/photocopying/printing and IT. Things like this are why I chose to get work experience when studying so I could leave with something credible on my CV.

University is now a business model; one where students pay over 9K a year in tuition fees to receive less than 5 days a week of classes only to get nothing out of it. It was seen as a pathway for the academically inclined; the students with top grades attended and others found alternatives such as gap years or apprenticeships. Anyone can get into a university now (unless you go for a Russell Group here) considering how low grade requirements are - I believe this is intentional as universities are about money making.

COST OF LIVING

As many have mentioned, we have a cost of living crisis. Typically, a crisis is described as a time of intense difficulty or danger. Point is, a crisis is meant to be temporary, meant to have a long-term solution. Yet in this case, cost of living is now part and parcel of everyday life. The average person is in constant survival mode, living paycheck to paycheck in order to keep their head (barely) above water. Once monthly wages are taxed from gross pay and deductions reduce the take-home pay, there is nothing left. No disposable income. No savings.

With disposable income, this enables individuals to take themselves out for a meal or a day trip. A family of 4 could make it on one salary (although it isn't easy, not saying life is really). In a traditional household, the father works - mother handles childcare and as long as personal responsibilities were taken care of, there was still money left over. Now, most families survive on 2 incomes at the bare minimum (as both parents have to work to sustain a household). Either that or in the case of single people, they live with parents or roommates in shared accommodation (most of which costs over 1K per month depending on where you live).

As for savings, the value of money can decrease at any time. There are some people who don't know what investing is (let alone a pension). My mum for example didn't have a private pension until her mid 30's as nobody told her about it.

You typically have 2 options for retirement: either die before you reach it due to continuous work (as the government raise the retirement age every year - at the moment it is 67) or rely on the state to fund what is essentially a poor quality of life - residing in a care home where staff deliver inadequate service.

You are punished for working hard - whether you're born in the UK or gained citizenship, you find that you're putting in so much towards a broken system. Take my aunt for example: after my cousin was unfortunately stabbed, she fell into long-term clinical depression and now claims Universal Credit. She hasn't worked since December 2021 and she jumps through hoops everyday to get the support she needs. My mum and I (who both work full-time) assist her with life admin whilst dealing with our own issues because she doesn't have much family around her.

Now if cost of living is hard for employed individuals, imagine what it is like for the unemployed? Ten times worse.

WORK

For most, work is the reason for their misery. From the never-ending job search to the convoluted interview process and of course, the actual working environment.

The concept of an ideal life involves 8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep and 8 hours of recreational time. In reality, life doesn't work this way. The average full-timer (in the UK) works 40 hours a week minimum. When you factor in the preparation, school runs (if you have children) + commutes in public transportation filled with nasty little fuckers known as PEOPLE (or traffic which yet again, has people), this becomes a 50 to 60 hour slog. We spend 5 days a week, Monday to Friday doing mundane tasks. At least 10+ hours a day is spent either working or doing an activity relating to work.

By the time you come home, all you can do is shower, eat, prepare for the next day and sleep - going through the motions. Although there are weekends, the time isn't enough. You have to deal with never-ending life admin as you ruminate over the return to work for yet another slow week. Some people don't even get weekends let alone time off. If you work in the care sector, you have to be on call 24/7 as there's always short staffing. You have no life. Your work IS life.

Our value in the world is centred around job titles.

When someone asks: what do you do?, immediately my response would relate to my job. Certain jobs tend to be more valued than others: say for example you work in corporate finance. People will admire you for getting a decently-paid profession with a great benefits package. If you work in say, a supermarket in the retail industry, you will be met with scorn - seen as an individual who is in a dead-end job. Either that or if you do a low-level admin role (i.e. reception for example), you are automatically the go-to for everything. There are a lot of people who think minimum wage jobs are beneath them (I actually had an ex-friend say that she wouldn't date anyone who worked in fast food for this reason) but anyone can end up here. I know from experience as I worked as an admin assistant in the care sector for 2 ½ years. I dealt with dodgy management, staffing issues and more. One thing this job taught me is that carers are overworked and underpaid - same for everyone else who does a low level job. You are paid less to do more - working 2, 3, 4+ jobs as the managers reap the benefits.

I am not anti-work as such since I have always had a strong work ethic. My problem is that traditional working environments don't suit me. As an autistic woman (who is also creative), I can easily spend hours on passion projects such as this blog, YouTube, my podcast etc. I even used to run my own online storefront (kind of, it was via a marketplace) selling 2nd hand items as a university student (it was my mum who inspired me to do it and it was so fun, especially as I liked the result of knowing someone was satisfied with their purchase).

In an office (my place of work), I don't feel like I am utilising my skills as all I do is admin, admin, admin. I don't feel fulfilled, I can't progress, I get bored and I want out (well, I am actually doing something about it by looking for another job). I am the female version of Cool from Daraku Tenshi (an obscure 1998 fighting game made by Psikyo), stuck in jail - desiring freedom.

Offices and autism don't mix either. Nowadays, the majority of offices are open plan which are cheaper to operate (as employers don't have to fork out money from the budget for cubicles) - this is sensory overload. There's artificial lighting which blinds my eyes, the sound of colleagues talking or typing as-well as the printer going off in the background, phone calls, the doorbell ringing, colleagues coming up to me about various queries. It all becomes too much and my social battery in particular drains quickly as I exhaust myself to a point where I want to pass out (and hopefully never wake up).

Finding the right job is hard. There are jobs which are falsely advertised, jobs which don't pay well enough or give incentives that make staff want to stay, jobs where you find yourself wearing multiple hats as you get one salary/wage. Or, jobs are filled by internal candidates (but employers won't tell you as they want to give you the illusion of landing one). Walking into a business will often result in management telling you there's nothing or to look online. When you look online, the jobs are often out of your area or there's a huge list of requirements in the ad that make you think: am I good enough?

Even filling in an application form becomes tedious. You're required to put in a CV, a personal statement/cover letter (although the CV should summarise who you are, what you're looking for and your work/educational history). Some sites require you to make separate accounts, causing more stress and anxiety. If you're not tech savvy, nobody cares. Besides, paperwork is becoming obsolete.

Then, the dreaded interviews. The interview process used to be simple. You'd meet with the prospective employer (at least this was the process I experienced when going for my 1st job at my university as a 19 year old), be asked questions about your skills, experience and qualifications. Maybe an English/Maths test would be added (fair enough as you need these skills anyway) and of course, you'd interview the employer in a sense by asking them questions about the job itself, working culture etc.

Interviews are now full of humiliation rituals and disappointment. You spend so much time preparing, hoping you present yourself well only to fall flat. I remember going to a group interview once for an admin role - only to not get through to the actual interview stage. I wasted a day off and ended up writing a (formal) e-mail about the process, feeling misled as I had no idea about the type of interview let alone what to expect since it wasn't mentioned in the e-mail (until I enquired about rescheduling due to work conflicts). There are also different types of interviews besides the group ones: panels, one-way, staged etc. Some of these interviews require you to speak to a camera as you have questions coming up or you have to go through several stages: meeting the HR team, the prospective team and your employer, the directors/shareholders. You even have to do extra work (most of which never gets credited) or travel all the way to some site in the middle of nowhere. If you don't answer the questions using STAR (god, I hate STAR), you don't get the job. If you don't refer to company values or use corporate terminology, you don't get the job. If you fail to articulate yourself, you don't get the job. Unfortunately in interviews, the people who sell themselves end up successful (even though they might not know the job). People like myself who fare better at practical tasks have to play a character, pretending to be so grateful for an opportunity when you want to die inside.

And let's not forget traditional working environments where you'll often have to navigate office politics/drama, confusing social cues, hierarchical structures which don't make sense (especially as in a lot of workplaces there is management on top of management) and unwritten rules which aren't in the fucking contract (because HR ain't going to put it in fine print!). If you are say, autistic or have some other social issue - this is literal hell as you can't play the game the way you're supposed to. You end up failing at every level and there isn't a reset button (if only there was). You just have to deal with the situation head on because there is no choice.

There are lots of let's just say... complicated people. People who have no life outside of work and love the endless BS (I don't - when I work I want to do what is required, go home, get paid). You have to be very careful of what you say and what you do because anything can be used against you when the opportunity comes. You can't win. You can't win wherever you go.

Every job involves people to some capacity. Retail, customer service, catering and hospitality - the list goes on. I really can't stand majority of people and would much rather work alone but then, I wouldn't be a "team player" if I refused to socialise. You also do the work of more than 3 people for one salary, being stretched too thin due to overlapping responsibility. If you admit you can't do it all, the managers have a go at you and offer no support (this happened to me in my old job and even now, management expects me to meet unrealistic deadlines). Employees become more checked out and disgruntled, wanting to quit their jobs. Even if you do quit, the same thing happens again and again - making it harder to find a tolerable job without the BS.

I find that the toxicity starts with management and works its' way down. If the managers are toxic, colleagues will be the same. There are too many demons at work and to be honest, I'd much prefer a job where social interaction isn't required. Just let me get on with it and leave me the fuck alone.

LACK OF 3RD PLACES + SERVICES

A 3rd place is an area outside of your home, workplace or institute (if you study). The purpose of a 3rd place is to relax somewhere, to be alone or be with the people you care about. You can find new interests, mix with communities or even form long-lasting relationships over time. 3rd places allowed people to get together, to enjoy each other's company. Besides the above, mental health improved as people could explore outside the confines of a home or work site.

As we recover from the pandemic, 3rd places go through a slow decline. The majority that exist today often require you to have a source of income - technically this topic ties into work as most people (as mentioned earlier) cannot afford to go out anyway. There's a price tag on everything. If say you wanted to go to a concert with friends, you need to consider expenses such as travel, tickets, food, drink and merchandise. Tickets alone cost £100+ depending on the venue and seating arrangements. To make matters worse, the services are often less than satisfactory and you feel ripped off. I remember my teenage years in 2015; hanging out with a (now ex) friend after finishing my GCSE exams. We used to spend a lot of money on food, drink, clothes and tickets for the cinema. Unlike my friend at the time, I grew up in a supportive working-class family therefore it was easier for me to get money to go out. My dad would give me up to £70 a day (which I would spend in one go - now, I am more mindful of my money especially when it comes to savings). If my friend didn't have enough money for something, I offered to pay (or would suggest pooling our resources together so we had equal amounts of money between us).

Back to the topic of cost, running a venue costs a lot considering overheads such as gas, water, electric, equipment. If there aren't enough people attending events, owners have no choice but to shut up shop and relocate - a business lost.

Technological developments make everything way too convenient. When it comes to essential services such as shopping or banking, brick and mortar buildings become harder to find (mainly due to bankruptcy/administration of companies) as online sites are taking over. You now require a smartphone for simple tasks and if you don't have one, are denied access from the world. Our cognitive skills are being lost, we can't read, write or do simple calculations in our head anymore. Some can't even cook so opt for fast delivery services. As for certain groups such as the elderly, the disabled or homeless - they aren't up-to-speed with technology. Then again, they aren't the majority. Rather than face-to-face interaction, you now have soulless, robotic machines taking the place of human beings. Go to a supermarket and look around the checkout section. How many staff do you see operating the tills? 1 at most. Go to a fast-food franchise. Self-ordering machines in every corner. As for customer service? Doesn't exist. You have to remain silent to get through to an "agent" (based in a call centre or in India) or get automated responses. In layman's terms, we aren't essential.

Everywhere you go in the UK, you'll see the same type of shops: vape shops, corner shops, mobile shops, chicken shops, bookies, nail bars, hairdressers, barbers. Then you have the fast-food franchises/"cafés": McDonalds, KFC, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Popeye's, Pizza Hut, Caffé Nero, Starbucks, Pret, Costa, Greggs. The local businesses are few and far between, obscured by large corporate chains. There is no variety, just overpriced food which makes you feel ill all the time. Although the best alternative involves home cooking, you don't know what is in ½ the food you eat now as anything can be tampered and fresh ingredients become harder to find. In certain countries such as the US, you have suburbs plastered in most states - no walkable locations whatsoever. A car is the required form of transport and if you don't drive, you can forget going to a local park or a shop.

For certain demographics such as children or young people, 3rd places are far and few in between. Youth clubs are shut because local councils don't have the funds (or there aren't enough participants who are interested in the activities). Most shops targeted towards these groups are no longer available. A lot end up online, creating their own spaces or worse - going on the streets. These days, it is common for young people in particular to be involved in crime because there isn't much to do (of course, I will talk about it in detail in part 2). It becomes depressing, seeing children and young people being left out of 3rd places because of denied access (whether it is because they aren't allowed in certain areas, have no money or don't have access to transport).

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Well, I hope you enjoyed part 1 of today's blog post. Soon, I will write up a part 2 where I explore other factors of misery such as crime, social media/news, lack of culture and self-expression + poor weather. Let me know what you think so far. Do any of the mentioned factors contribute to your own misery? Do you feel the same way I do? Please, leave a comment.

Until next time, goodbye for now. 🩷